Red Carpet Rhetoric from the Peanut Gallery

I can’t believe I missed the Oscars this year. I pride myself on not watching a lot of television (like spending a ton of time on the internet is any better), but this I completely spaced. I thought Slumdog Millionaire was incredible, but I wasn’t expecting it to clean-up like it did.  Good for them– it was a pretty original flick, and rightly deserves all the awards and accolades.  

It’s always interesting to see what people are wearing, and in some cases–what’s wearing them.  All that money and every fashion designer at their fingertips– there is no excuse for not looking good.  Even still–


Sean Penn by Giorgio Armani.  I like the tux, but given his stature, I would have opted for a lower button-stance, probably even a one-button to elongate his frame.  The shirt / tie combo brings it way down– dark dress shirts are not my thing, period– and here it all comes together for a look that is very Regis Philbin.  You’re at the Oscars, buddy– can’t you at least button your collar for a few hours?

John Legend by Prada.  Sharp, but two things– I think I know the look you’re going for, but unfortunately the tie-bar is a little high and your sleeve and trouser length is a little long.  Don’t worry John, no one’s looking at you anyway– they’re checking out the arm-candy.  

Tangent:  And what is up with guys wearing the tie-bar up above their nipples anyway.  Guys– if you don’t know, ask.  But don’t ask GQ– I’ve noticed this look there too– along with them showing all their suit spreads with uncuffed trousers.  GQ– if you don’t have the time or the means, get a graphic artist to photshop a cuff on there.  In general– unless it’s a tuxedo, cuff ’em.  And not an apologetic one either– I go for a 1 & 3/4″ cuff.  Anything less looks moderate, anything more starts to look trendy.  That being said, proportion matters– so if you’re considerably short or tall, adjust accordingly.



Daniel Craig.  From this picture, his footwear looks a lot like his acting– clunky.  What ever happened to the tuxedo pump, or the velvet slipper?  For the record– Sean Connery was the ultimate James Bond– charm, class, taste & brawn.  Daniel Craig has all the charm of a knuckle sandwich, and his acting chops make Keanu Reeves look like Sir Laurence Olivier.

Emile Hirsch.  This guy is an amazing acting talent– and I love Into the Wild.  But this isn’t your Junior Prom, son.  The pose says it all– “They said show up, so I showed up.  What more do you want?”  We want a little more effort from the young guys to bring back style and grace.  Oh, make sure you get that thing back by noon tomorrow– or they’ll charge you for an extra day.


seal heidi klum oscarsmickey rourke oscars

Seal.  We will deduct points for bad posture too.  Seal looks like maybe he’s stooping to fit in the shot.  

I never really grasped what a physically imposing presence Seal was until a few years ago.  I was on a flight from JFK to DFW– we were all ready to go, but they were holding the flight for one last passenger who was running late.  You don’t want to be that guy.  For the next few hours– or however long the flight is– people think you’re the biggest a-hole in the world.  Anyway, who comes in all apologies and gets situated as quickly as he can– freakin’ Seal.  The guy is massive, handsome as hell, and one seat away from me.  I knew anything I tried to say would come out sounding completely ridiculous.  I think I managed a nod and a “hey man.”  He’s a classy guy.

Mickey Rourke by Jean Paul Gaultier.  Mickey looks confused– like he thought he was showing up at the audition for the villain role in an episode of Miami Vice.  I admit that I’m waxing nostalgic– because Mickey Rourke just can’t do anything wrong in my book these days.  I forgive you.  Go Mickey.  

Another tangent:  Is it just me– or is Mickey throwin’ a little John Galliano (below) vibe these days?

john gallianomickey rourke


Oscar photos courtesy of WWD

4 thoughts on “Red Carpet Rhetoric from the Peanut Gallery

Comments are closed.